Why Do We Need To Heal Old Hurts And Wounds

Why it's important that we heal our old wounds? Why it's important that we acknowledge our old wounds, and why it's important that we heal our old wounds?

Why it's important that we heal our old wounds? 

I passionately believe that this pandemic, this crisis that we're all going through, is a brilliant opportunity for us to change the way we look at things to change the way we do things, to change the way we behave and to change the way our attitude towards towards the planet itself.

I believe there's a fantastic opportunity to be had. But I also believe that the fact that where we tend to be locked in certainly in the UK, I think it's a bit different in some countries. But you know, we're being locked in. We're being limited. We're being restricted in what we can do.

It shines a giant torch on those areas of our lives where we still have unresolved issues, and there's still some things that we need to be thinking about. This is about how can you recognize and heal those unresolved hurts? Why what why would you want to do it?

For many of us, things happen to us when we're small, and you wouldn't label them as trauma. They're not physical violence. They're not threats to your physical being but they have a traumatic impact. They feel traumatic at the time, and they have a really long impact.

I'm talking about things like parents permanently bickering at one another. I'm talking about non-physical bullying. That emotional bullying, that a lot of kids experience. I'm talking about the granny or the auntie or the uncle or whoever. They kind of put you down when you were a kid and it was a little bit.

Every time they see you, they'd say hello and then they say something that made you feel small. The teacher that made you feel small. All these things are not trauma with a capital T but they have that impact upon us. It's that that relentlessness, and they cause us to believe certain things about ourselves.

These sorts of things have such long fingers. They have so much impact. They can hold us back in the long term. Now, I've done a lot of work on myself. A lot of work on myself. But there are still moments where I get in touch with things that I still haven't completely resolved.

So case in point, mostly, I'm a confident woman. I'm happy in my own skin. I'm in the 60s, and I'm cool with being in my 60s and a lot of people experience me as being serene, grounded, wise, all those things. Most of the time, I relate to that.

I think, "Yeah, that is who I am now". But sometimes when I find myself in groups of women, it feels strange. I don't mean strange in a weird way. I mean, they just strange to me. There's something that clicks inside of me. It's that little girl who was bullied for nine years at school, consistently bullied to the point where I never knew when I was at school, how to walk into a group of girls and how to be. I didn't know who to be or how to be. I didn't know how to relate to them, how to connect to them, or whether I should just shut the fuck up.

Sometimes, I would shut the fuck up. Sometimes, I would just go in there all guns blazing. Because why not? What was the worst that they could do to me when they'd already done the worst anyway, in my book? It's when I meet a community, a new group of women online or not and I don't know them, something is triggered, that little girl still hasn't quite dealt with the old uncertainties around being with groups of girls.

Now, the impact of that on the people I meet is, their first experience of me is grounded, serene, wise, and all the things I just mentioned. But then I react in this slightly odd way that I'm more conscious of and there's a disconnect. There's an in congruence, it's like, "Oh, who?" This old wound that I have, believe me done a lot of work on can still sometimes impact who I am and how I am.

Old wounds have long fingers

These old wounds this stuff from childhoods has such a, they have such long tentacles. And we think that we dealt with the tentacles. And then we wake up one day, and we suddenly realize, "Oh, my God, I'm still doing it. It's still going on."

I wasn't conscious of this. It was something that I was talking to my coach and there's a group that I'm in. I become aware that I didn't quite connect with the group. But I hadn't thought about it, why we talked about this. It's like, "Oh, there's still work to be done." There's still some healing to be done.

Recognize your old wounds and how they impact you

Old wounds have long fingers. Recognize the old wounds through journaling. Journaling on experiences. You have an experience, you journal on it, and you start thinking about the reason what does that relate to.  One way is journaling.

Another way is talking to your friends. Another way is having a coach talking to a coach, which is which is what I do. But uncovering some of these links, some of these old hurts, and then looking at how you can let go of them. Because it is perfectly possible to let go of them. But it's also important to recognize how they're impacting you because the fact that I'm still carrying the wound of being bullied at school that means that I still need to heal it.

My clients are women. I can expect to be invited to groups of women, groups are strange women, women I don't know. If I'm walking into those groups, with that wound that has an impact on my business, it has an impact on how I come across in terms of what I write, in terms of how I show up on a video. It has an impact in so many areas that I'm not conscious of until now.

Imposter Syndrome

Whatever it is set for me, it was this bullying thing. But it could be how you run imposter syndrome, what fuels your imposter syndrome. For a lot of us, especially women my age, as a little girl, I so often heard that it's more difficult for girls, as a woman, you're going to have to work harder in a man's world. There weren't the role models when I started work. I worked in the oil industry when I first started work, but it was all guys. There were no women at the top there were no role models.

Of course, I had this kind of imposter syndrome thing going on of, "Wow, what am I doing here? It's supposed to be more difficult for girls. Were not expected to get on". I expected it to be more difficult for girls, then that was my experience because I created that as my experience. So, imposter syndrome.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism. I'm not a perfectionist. It's not such a problem for me. But so many of us do run a perfectionist thing, and so often is motivated by something that was said to us when we were at school, something we heard from a teacher or something we heard from a parent, the drive to please the parent, the drive to really, because if I please my parents, they love me. I can drive all sorts of things.

In the conversation that my coach, we were talking about ambition, and how for so many women and it particularly for women, the other side of ambition is a wound or something. We've got the imposter syndrome, we want to be better, because we've been told that we have to work harder. There's so many old wounds that drive ambition.

Journaling, talking to friends, talking to coaches, and really loving yourself allowing yourself with a lot of compassion to understand what's going on.

How to solve the problem?

But what can you actually do to solve the problem? Well, you can certainly do what I do. That's one of the reasons I love huna. It's not just my spiritual development, it's also that huna gives me the tools to release all this shit.

So for me, huna gives me tools and techniques to release this stuff. That's one of the key reasons why I got into huna in the first place and it's why I stayed with it. Tools and techniques for releasing my old fears, and my old anger, old sadness, old hurts. Tools and techniques, releasing beliefs that I have about myself that emerge from those old hurts, tools and techniques for giving other people.

I forgiven the bullies a long time ago. I don't have any issues with the bullies. The issues is with me and my expectations, that piece of fear that I haven't quite healed yet. These are the sorts of tools and certain techniques that the huna offers me.

Great techniques for overcoming conflicts or resolving conflicts, meditation for just really getting in touch with myself and soothing my soul, working with the elements, so that I can really get into the true nature of being for myself and the planet itself.

There's tools and techniques like EMDR. EMDR is incredibly powerful. I don't practice it, I know how to do it. It's not something that I use to myself and with clients, incredibly powerful. A number of clients who have experienced narcissistic parenting, and have gone through EMDR find it really powerful and useful.

There's a whole raft of other tools, fast phobia tools, NLP tools, timeline therapy, many, many tools out there, that can be used. As I say, my preferred tool set is huna but there are many more. My invitation to you is with love and compassion. Allow yourself to start to identify those old traumas with a little T, and how they're impacting your life, because they will be impacting your life.

I passionately believe that this whole COVID thing is an opportunity for real, real change. For us to change the way we look at things, to change the way they do things. It does shine the giant torch. If you find that you're getting particularly stressed in your relationships, because you're spending a lot of time cooped up, maybe there's something to look at there.

If you're finding that you're feeling overwhelmed, maybe there's something to look at there. Because very often overwhelm comes from a desire to be driven by a desire to be perfect, driven by a desire to be, driven as by a desire to be loved, driven by a desire for something.

It's an opportunity to take the big torch and shine it so that you can resolve these things and find a different way of being and hopefully, enjoy your own potential, have a more joyous, joyful, more brilliant, lovely life.

If you have any questions, please do get in touch and book a call in my diary, secretartofhuna.com/diary. We can talk about it and see if I'm the right person to help you.