Huna for Love and Relationships

Well, aloha, everyone, and welcome to the Secret Art of Huna. I’m gonna be talking today about Huna and relationships. And there’s a couple of reasons for this, the first one is we’ve been doing a little bit of market research.

You may have entered the survey on the site and one of the things that we were asking people was what are your challenges? What are you hoping that Huna will help you with? And something has come up as a very important topic for people is love and relationships. And I haven’t done much about love and relationships so I thought this would be a good time to cover it.

Another reason is that I myself have found in my life that love and relationships can be a very tricky subject and Huna has helped me so enormously with managing to find a relationship and make that relationship really work.

So, I thought I’d talk about that and we’ll be talking about intimate relationships of the love side relationships and also about relationships more generally whether it’s with friends or family. So, what does Huna have to tell us about love and relationships?

Well, the first thing is that really, the primary relationship is with yourself. It’s very difficult to have a relationship with somebody else if you don’t have a good relationship with yourself. I know that because for years, I believed that I was unlovable and amazingly, I struggled to find an intimate loving relationship even though I really, really wanted one.

In fact, it was some point, and I don’t know where it came from but I convinced myself that I always hurt the people that I love. So therefore, I couldn’t possibly have a loving relationship, self-fulfilling prophecy.

The other thing is, most of us are wandering around in our own personal bubble, and in our own personal bubble, we’re absorbed by what’s going on in there but we don’t always notice what’s going on outside the bubble so everything that we see in the world, we interpret through the filter of our personal bubble, our beliefs, our values, the things that we hold dear, the things that we think are important. All these things filter how we perceive what’s going on around.

So, when we’re looking for relationships, then everything is conditioned by these beliefs and these values. If we believe that we’re rubbish, well, we’ll probably project that out into the world and we’ll either attract rubbish into our life, rubbish relationships into our life or we just won’t attract a relationship at all, because we believe we’re rubbish, because we believe we don’t deserve a relationship.

The first thing to do is look at the beliefs that you hold about yourself in relationship. And again, whether that’s intimate relationship, whether that’s friendship, whether that’s family. Another thing that I’m seeing a lot of and it’s almost like an epidemic is the role that our ancestors play in how we interpret relationships and how we interpret the emotions that go along with relationships.

Again, from a Huna perspective, your ancestors are really important. It’s important to know where you came from, who you are right now, and where you’re going, so that’s your purpose. And in relationships, very often, there are things that we’ve inherited from the way our parents related to one another our grandparents related to one another, people in our family and our tribe, people in our social groups which can have a profound impact on how we relate to other people.

So sometimes, there are wounds that come from childhood, wounds that come from our family, and they colour the way that we think about relationships and the way that we relate to other people. So, having a good understanding of those can be really valuable in improving your own relationships with other people and your ability to find that loving relationship.

Another aspect is the aspect of taking responsibility. I work with a lot of women and very often, one of the topics that comes up is their relationship with their partner. And very often, it demonstrates to me something that I clearly do in my own life of putting the blame out there onto the guy or the girl or whoever it is you’re having the relationship.

Assuming that they’re in the wrong, without questioning whether may be something that you’re doing, something in your behaviour is actually triggering off their behaviour.

So, one of the things I do in the relationship with my partner is, every time I get a bit judgy about him, judgmental, or I wanna criticise him is just check in with myself for a moment, and I’ll ask myself the question, “Okay, is this him or is it actually me “putting my stuff on to him “or me triggering him in a certain way?

“Or me not having conversations with him “because he’s not inside my head. “I can’t expect him to know everything “that’s going on in here, everything I’m thinking, “everything that I’m feeling. “Sure we’ve been together a long time, sure, he should know. “But he’s not inside my head.

“So, if I don’t explain, “if I don’t tell him what’s going on, “how can he be the expected to know? “He’s not psychic, well, he’s a little bit psychic, “but he’s not that psychic.” So, talking to them, telling them what’s going on and doing it in a way that doesn’t apportion blame, it’s simply a statement of fact.

In the one of many work I do with the women that I coach, we talk about stepping into a queen. So, it’s coming from that place and it could be a queen or if you’re a guy, could be the king, coming from that place of this is how it is, this is what’s going on for me.

Now, let’s talk about it. Let’s discuss it. Let’s find out what the impact of what’s going on for me is on you. There’s another concept in Huna that think’s really important in relationships and that’s the concept of cycles and rhythms.

So, the idea is that energy moves and flows and in any relationship, you have the two sides of the relationship. You have you and your partner, not you. And the energy cycles between you and your partner.

So, when you’re in a relationship, the energy’s always moving. Who’s got the pull? It’s like the moon and the tides. When the moon is in a certain position has a really strong impact on the tides and the tides pull one way. When the moon is in a different position, the tide pulls in a different way. The same in our relationship. Sometimes, I’m feeling strong, my partner’s not feeling strong.

Sometimes, I’m feeling feisty, my partner’s not feeling feisty. Sometimes, my partner’s feeling feisty, I’m not. The energy ebbs and flows and moves between us, and we’re affected by different things. Me, I am affected by the moon. In a full moon, I’m very expansive and I’m all over the place. In a new moon, I’m much more closed down and thoughtful.

If I know that, I can look at how that impacts on the relationship and on the energy flow, the energy patterns between the two of us ’cause there’s two of us in this relationship. In terms of attraction, the law of attraction and the law of attraction features in the Huna principles as well as in the principles of other ancient teaching, the law of attraction talks about focusing on what you want.

So, if you’re not in a relationship and you want a relationship, then focus on what it is you want in a relationship. So often, we focus on the things, the bad experiences over the past. I don’t want that ’cause that was the bad experience in the past, so I don’t want that in my partner, but what do you want in your partner?

What is it you look for your partner? And how can you manifest that? How can you support your partner when you get one or if you have one? How can you support your partner in manifesting for you what you want, rather than manifesting you from what you don’t want? The shadow is really important.

The Hawaiians didn’t talk much about the shadow as such, but this shadow, this idea there’s a whole load of things that we have that we’re not conscious of, that we’re not aware of, but we’re projecting them out the whole time event though we’re not aware, and who do we project them on most? Our nearest and dearest, starting with a primary relationship so a lover or a partner.

We project our stuff, number one, onto our partner, and they will manifest our stuff for us. They’re very obliging in that way so that we can resolve it. But that projection’s always going on. We project it onto our parents. We project it onto our kids. We project it onto the people that we are most closely related to.

So, understanding what’s unresolved in you, when I understand what’s unresolved in me, then I start projecting it out. I stopped putting it on my partner. I stopped putting it on my friends. But that takes work, I have to firstly identify what the problem is, I have to identify what I’ve got in my shadow, I have to identify what’s unresolved, and then I have to resolve it. And sometimes, the difficult work is actually in the identification, not in the resolution.

So, I hope that’s been useful for you so a couple of ideas and thoughts as to how you might think about relationships, how if you’re not in a relationship you can attract one, and if you are in a relationship, the sorts of things you might want to think about to make that relationship even better? Often, it’s about expectation.

There’s a saying, if you put a goal out there and you get 90%, count it as success, because you’re pretty much on track. If you have got a goal out there of the ideal partner and you attract somebody into your life who doesn’t match 100% but matches 90%, celebrate. That’s a great results.

If you want to know more about how to investigate the unresolved stuff, if you want to know more about how to resolve the unresolved stuff, then do get in touch.

If you’re interested in a five-day deep dive for ladies, then there’s retreat that I run and you can find that out on secretartofhuna.com/retreat or book into my diary, book a call, get in touch, secretartofhuna.com/diary.

I would really love to talk to you, hear about what your challenges are, and see how I can help you with them. Take care, see you soon.

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