Ego And Authenticity

Well, aloha, and welcome to 2020, and I hope that it will be abundant and joyful and bring you what you really want. I was reflecting the other day that it’s 20 years now since the millennium.

Now, for some people, that’s not really a relevant piece of information, but 20 years ago, I remember celebrating the millennium and celebrating it in some style with drink and drugs and partying. And I didn’t really think about 20 years ahead.

Now, 20 years on, I’m thinking, looking back, and I’m such a different person than I was 20 years ago. Apart from anything else, I’m happier. I’m a lot more stable.

I appreciate the joy in life, and I think I’ve lost a kind of hard edge that I had. So now, when I celebrate, sure, celebrate with a drink, but I can also celebrate just looking at a flickering candle or just by meditating.

I don’t need full on stimulation and drink and drugs and lots of stuff going on and loud music. I don’t need all that anymore. And that’s been a big change for me, and for me, it’s been a good change.

I don’t have judgement on it. If, for you, celebration is about drinking and being really full on, great. But, it’s just a change that I’ve noticed in myself.

So it’s a curious thing to do. Think about, where was I 20 years ago? What was I doing? How did I celebrate the millennium? And how am I celebrating now at the turn of the year that’s just gone?

Anyway, what I wanted to talk to you about today is authenticity and ego. Because, working with clients, and some of them working on who they are,

how they express themselves in the world, how they show up in the world, whether it’s in their family or whether it’s in their career, how they show up as leaders.

One of the questions that often comes up is, how can I be, on the one hand, authentic, but on the other hand, not brag and be arrogant and egotistic and put my, it’s all about me, me, me, me, me, ego.

So I thought it’d be interesting to explore that a little bit, because one of the things that, one of the challenges, and women in particular, but not just women, one of the challenges that I think women face is that we are educated into being modest,

into not putting ourselves out there. We’re educated into believing that, if I do a good enough job, somebody will see it, somebody will recognise me. I don’t have to promote myself.

In One of Many, where I do a lot of coaching, we have a thing that we sometimes do on Facebook. Brag, baby, brag. A lot of women are allergic to the idea of bragging.

Bragging, no, I couldn’t possibly do that, I don’t brag, bragging is wrong, bragging is egotistical, bragging is, whatever bragging is. But actually, it’s not about bragging. It’s about celebrating and it’s about celebrating the things that you’re good at.

Celebrating your skills, your successes, the things that you’re proud of, whether, often proud of secretly. And the things which might look very ordinary to you, but in the eyes of other people, are extraordinary.

Now, that’s a difficult one because when you’re, we’re inside ourselves, so seeing ourselves as other people see us isn’t always easy. But that celebration of the amazing things that I’ve done is so hard, and yet at the same time, it’s so important.

Because the amazing things I’ve done are a part of me. They’re a part of what has made me, what has brought me to the point where I am now. And they’re a part of what’s gonna support me moving forward.

So celebrating them. Talking about them. Bringing them out into the open. It’s so important. But there’s a difference between celebrating them and bringing them out into the open in a kind of statement of fact way,

than celebrating and bringing them out into the open in a braggy, I want to put one over you, I’m better than you sort of a way.

I wouldn’t advocate that for anybody, but I do advocate celebration because, in fact, when we don’t celebrate the things that we’re good at, the things that we’ve done, the things that we enjoy,

when we don’t celebrate those, when we don’t talk about them, we’re not really being authentic. Authentic and authenticity, they’re big buzzwords today,

especially in the world of politics, where you don’t always see a lot of authenticity. In the world of, in the corporate world. A lot of people are talking about authenticity.

When you don’t talk about the things you’ve done well, you’re hiding a part of yourself. You’re not really being true to yourself. And, I’d argue, you’re not really being completely authentic.

So, if being authentic is important for you and if you struggle with the idea of talking about your successes, because that’s somehow arrogant or braggy or it’s not what you should do, then maybe have a rethink.

Maybe spend some time thinking about, how can you talk about your successes in a way that is true to you, that isn’t arrogant? It’s not ego driven. It’s simply a statement of, this is a part of who I am.

This is an aspect of who I am. I know I’ve been guilty of it in the past myself. My dad always used to say to me, be your true modest. And a lot of the time I didn’t really understand what he was on about.

I didn’t kind of get what he was talking about, but it was this very thing of not talking about the things that I’d done well. I went to Oxford University, and for a number of years afterwards, I was kind of embarrassed about the fact and I would hide the fact.

And there was an element of a lot of people I knew who’d been to Oxford were pretty arrogant shit heads emerging from it, and I didn’t want to be like that.

So that was a part of it. But the other part of it was that I didn’t feel that I should. It felt like bragging, it felt wrong. Huh. I went to Oxford. It’s a fact about me.

And it’s a fact that I’m never gonna change because I was there for four years. It was a really important four years of my life.

So celebrating and honouring those things that we’ve done, celebrating and honouring those things that we have done and do well, those things that we enjoy.

Then, that’s a road into becoming more authentic and more truthful to ourselves and about ourselves. So, like I say, happy new year, happy 2020. Happy decade, even.

And if something that I’ve said resonates with me and you want to chat about it, just book a call, complimentary call. Secretartofhuna.com/diary, and I’d love to talk to you. Take care.

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